Keys of Subconscious

During my morning commute today I was thinking about why I do what I do and what makes me do it. So I started breaking down my actions and the emotional reactions and/or triggers related to them. I came to the conclusion that one of the biggest traits of my Id is a need for control and. There are times when I get wickedly furious over some seriously stupid shit, like my dog whining to go outside when he’s been out THREE GODDAMN TIMES IN THE LAST 45 MINUTES FOR FUCKS SAKE. Which then, in turn, leads to me feeling bad because I shouldn’t get angry over something like that. It’s not like the dog is doing anything wrong, and I’m really doing him the disservice by keeping him cooped up inside all of the time. But the reason it makes me reflexively angry, I think, is that it’s something that distracts or otherwise takes away from activities that I’ve deemed either a.) Important or b.) Enjoyable. And due to the fact that it is now an obligation and I must do it RIGHT NOW since that’s a pet owner responsibility, I get angry that I have to do something I don’t want to and can’t do anything about it. Now that seems like a pretty basic and obvious piece of psychology seeing it typed out but I think being able to spell it out and break it down in such a basic way is going to help me identify, isolate, and ultimately eliminate this problem I feel in my psyche. I feel like this project might just be my subconscious trying to create a map of my psychological state to try to fix me. To that, I say, thanks and good luck.

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